Dark Brown Feeling

A few decades ago I would often feel a particular emotional uncomfortable sensation which I described as “a dark brown feeling.” I had no clue how else to label it, nor what it meant; I only knew that I didn’t like it. I’ve since recognized this as an indicator of anxiety [which is always fear-based]. As the years passed and I began to appreciate how much God loves me personally, I noticed that I was experiencing many fewer dark brown episodes. When this became hard to ignore, I figured out why: if God REALLY loves me enough not only to die for me, but to have brought me through the challenges of a rocky life relatively unscathed, nothing anyone can say or do is anywhere near so important. I have NOTHING about which to be anxious! This was no ecclesiastical gobbledegook, but a real interiorization of the theological propositions which I’d been taught, but had only given lip service. Once this dawned on me, my life was forever changed!