More Recovery

We’ve recently considered how not living up to either our parents’ or our own expectations of ourselves can damage us, and how to recover. Equally serious is the opposite predicament we often create, that of blaming our parents for not living up to our expectations of them—as though we had a right to expect anything of them. Of course expectations are just unborn resentments, and so we tend to blame those who raised us for our problems [shortcomings, character defects, inadequacies, whatever]. Then we need therapy, counseling, Gestalt work, detoxification, prayer, or some combination to launch into recovery. We need to see that it is not circumstances, but how we choose to react to circumstances, that forms our character and dictates our behavior. It’s not what happens, but our perception of what happens, that does damage. The good news is that we can actually learn to use tools to clear out the wreckage of the past. What a revelation! How long, painful, and expensive this discovery can be—but how delightfully worth it to be free of that monkey of unforgiveness on our backs! You do know that forgiving, our most critical tool, isn’t to benefit the other guy, it’s for us—don’t you?